In my 12 years of #coaching, I get the following question more often than not. "How does it seem that nothing bothers you, and you have it all handled?" Let me be the first to say, that even though I am a #lifecoach it does NOT mean I am a master and have it all figured out. I also have my days, and even weeks. I wanted to write and share a specific story that happened back in June 2019.
This post may end up being a bit too much information (TMI) for some, and the details are necessary for it to make sense.
It was Father's Day weekend, and I knew (because I track everything) that my menstrual cycle was scheduled to arrive the next Wednesday. Mind you, this was in the BACK of my mind. However, I could tell that I was being a bit, well let's say, irritable. I could feel that I was snappy and easily irritated. I may or may not have thought about biting off some heads. I know my body well enough to feel the sensations which have become alarm bells for me at this point in life.
Father's Day went well considering that my dad passed away in April 2012. I kept myself busy, and did not dwell on grief all day. I had my own inner conversations with him, sharing my #love and gratitude for the 33 years I got to spend with him. I chose to think about the fun times we had. My dad was a loving man, who thoroughly enjoyed pulling a good prank joke on anyone. My dad was my #1 fan in life, and always challenged me to go big or go home. I smiled to myself as I reminisced, and again, expressing gratitude. At this point, I knew this was not my #trigger.
Later in the week, my brother and his family were scheduled to come in town. I had been unable to pin point the exact date and time they were arriving due to my brother being unsure of their schedule. As a type A personality, I NEED to know so I can set my own #expectations as well as my bonus kids who were thrilled to have their bonus cousins coming in town. Our project while they were here was to clean out the storage unit we have had for 6 years. This unit was filled with a lot of things from my dad, grandmother, grandfather, etc. so my #anxiety and #emotions were already on the rise. I was not in a place to admit what was happening.
As the week progressed, and I was preparing our house for guests I noticed that I was in perfection mode. I wanted everything in the house to be "just right." I was allowing irritation to set in when I was not able to get everything done on my "list." I was making my husband wrong for not desiring the level of "clean" that I had in my head. Is there ever a scenario where a man and woman agree on the acceptable level of clean? I am not sure, and what I do know is that it is not right or wrong. Our definitions are simply different. I could not see that at the time, and thankfully I did shortly after feeling irritated.
Are you seeing the pattern in my week? Irritation, irritation, irritation....I could see that I was in it, and I knew the tools to get myself out yet they were NOT working. I felt like I was in a blender spinning around on high.
At last, on Tuesday night after secluding myself and doing everything in my power to pull myself out I broke down in tears. I do not mean just a few tears, I mean down right sobbing in my husband's arms. I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I cried and cried for an hour. My amazing husband listened and talked me through my situation. He helped me to turn the blender down from high to low. I was still spinning, yet the speed was slow enough now that I could get some sleep. It was pretty clear to everyone that I needed a good nights rest.
I woke up the next morning feeling better yet not 100%. The anxiety of unloading that storage unit was still there. I still felt the swirling motion of the blender. My family arrived on Wednesday, and it was great to see them. We worked and worked for the few days they were here. It was not only physical work, but also a ton of mental and emotional energy. Memories were flooding in as I saw each piece of furniture or toy in the old toy chest that lived at my Ganny's house. It was fun and exhausting at the same time. I am beyond grateful for all the memories I have with my family when I was kid. My bonus kids got a chance to bond and play their bonus cousins. It was so rewarding to see them playing together. I got to make a birthday cake (along with our younger nephew and my bonus daughter) for our nephew as he turned 15. It's hard to believe he is 15. Time goes by fast. Our time here on earth is simply a blink in the grand scheme of things. We must create the joy and happiness while we have the time.
In all of this commotion though, my emotions began to settle. It may be because I got my monthly cycle the day after we finished moving the furniture or maybe the anxiety was ceasing as the storage unit was FINALLY empty.
Sunday arrived and everyone left, including my bonus kids who went back to their mom's house. Our house became immensely quiet with about an hour. As my husband and I drove back home from taking the kids back to their mom's we talked and talked and talked some more. The house was quiet and still. I felt as though my body was balancing back out, and I was able to get my feet beneath me again. Notice that it took me the entire week to get here.
I want all of you to know that just because I am a #coach, and I have a huge plethora of #tools in my tool box they are not always EASY applicable. They were easily accessible, and I could not seem to get them applied and pull myself out of the "blender" as fast as I would have preferred. IT HAPPENS! We all have our days, weeks, months and maybe years. The key is that I did not stay there. I chose to continue applying my tools until I could get myself out. I did NOT give up. I stayed #persistent and #consistent with my self-talk. I caught and shifted a TON of negative thoughts. I reached out for help to my husband who was once again awesome. I let friends know I was struggling. They were praying and offering whatever they could in the moment. For all of that, I am GRATEFUL!
I am just as #human as the next person, and I have my spirals too. Do not let any coach or mentor fool you in thinking they have it perfect or have it all handled. I promise they have their days too. We ALL do! It is normal. They may not happen as often yet they do happen. Since June, I can promise you that I have had days where I have said to my husband, "I am having a blah day." What makes me laugh is when he responds with, "I know." He knows me better than I know myself at times.The key is picking ourselves back up, asking for help and moving forward. Remember, this too shall pass.
If you are in a slump, and cannot seem to get out yet have a drive and determination to change PLEASE email me and let's talk. My email is email@example.com. I would love the opportunity to support you in rising above. You can do it!
Resources: www.lindseylang.net and You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay