Updated: Mar 27, 2019
We have all heard about it, and many of us continue to watch it unfold in our lives. Some of us are victims to self-sabotage and don't even see it. If you can relate to any of the following signs, you may be dealing with self-sabotaging behaviour.
1. Picking arguments2. Continuously criticize yourself3. Focus is on what is not or does not work right4. Always comparing yourself to others5. Have been in multiple relationships and always seem to feel the same way such as he doesn't make you a priority, you do not feel as though he loves you, he doesn't help out at home, you do not feel important. When you think about, there is a common theme. You end up pushing the relationship away.6. You are stuck in #fear of what might happen.7. You meet goals and then lose them These are only a few of the behavioral signs related to self-sabotaging. If you are like me, you can use outside circumstances to stop you from what you want to do. In my world, I left corporate in March of 2017. Immediately, I went to work on my business. All was going well. I had multiple events lined up for the beginning of 2018 from workshops to multiple speaking events. It was happening! I was stepping out of my comfort zone and doing all the things that made me nervous. I was excited and nervous! I had advertised my upcoming events, and had people ready to attend.
Then, January 13th rolls around, and I received a call that my mom was in the hospital. She had fallen and broken 5 ribs. She ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks. I let this event completely deter my dreams and business goals. I cancelled all of my events. I stopped taking new coaching clients, and simply let it all go. I had worked hard to get these events scheduled. Here I found myself emotionally exhausted and decided it was a good way to back out of what would have given me a HUGE growth opportunity and momentum to continue moving my life forward. I kept telling myself I could not deal with my family situation AND do all of my scheduled events. It all sounded valid, and it was valid. I was taking care of my family. I was putting them first, and being a good daughter. But, what was REALLY driving my decisions? It took me a few months to determine what really went on for me. Here it is...the ugly truth. It was like I set fire to my own dreams because..... I WAS SCARED!
My subsconscious beliefs of not being good enough to deliver all those events with quality took over and I found a great reason to cancel ALL of them. I allowed an outside circumstance to take over. The truth of the matter is my mom was in great care, and I could have done BOTH. I could have followed through with all of my events AND done what I wanted to do for my mother and family. I allowed #selfsabotage to take over, and I did not even realize it was happening in the moment. I validated myself that it was #selfcare, and it was what I needed to do. The truth is that the day I was supposed to be holding my workshop, I slept in and did nothing that day. I even said to myself, "I could have done my workshop today. I had it all prepared and ready to go. I am human, and it happens to all of us at one time or another. What can we do about it? How can we change it? We start by examining our underlying belief structures about ourselves and our lives.
When I did this, I got to see that underneath the self-sabotage was my level of #worthiness and #deservability. How did I see this? I asked myself "Why?" multiple times. It looked something like this. "Why did I cancel all of my events?" Answer - Mom was in the hospital, and my family needed me. "Why did I let that get in my way of the events. I could have made them happen." Answer - I was not mentally in the space to deliver speeches or workshops. "Why?" Answer - I gave all my energy to a situation I had zero control over. "Why?" Answer - I used the situation to keep me safe, and there was no threat of failure or success. "Why?" Answer - I finally saw that deep down I did not believe I was truly worthy and deserving of having a successful coaching business. Many of you, who know me well and are reading this, may be surprised to read this. Please remember that I am human too. I do not have it all figured out. I am also a work in progress. I am a recovering perfectionist. I have embraced that this happened. I have not beaten myself up over it as I do love myself enough to grant myself forgiveness, grace and mercy. When we continue to ask why, we can get to the root of many issues or challenges. This was one example where I knew myself well enough to know that I could have done the "and" and "both" yet I let my own limiting beliefs get in my way of the success my heart so deeply desires.
How have I moved past this? I am AWARE that it happened. I take responsibility for it all. I have asked myself, "How bad do I want it?" When we want something bad enough, we do not let anything get in out way. We create the avenues to make it happen. I get it now! I know better now, so I can do better. I am able to really check in with myself if I am faced with a situation like this again.
I also have a few other tools that I have implemented which have helped me to re-wire my subconscious to house prospering, positive, uplifting and supportive beliefs. I cover all the tools I use on a daily basis in my 6-week virtual course, EMBRACE. I would love you have you join me on this 6-week journey. If you would like a more personal experience, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule a discovery call to talk about the possibilities of 1-1 coaching. It's amazing what happens when we let go of limiting beliefs and live out of the beliefs that we can do anything. You are amazing, powerful and the creator of the life you desire.
#Resource You are a Badass by Jen Sincero